what have i done

now my friends won't even talk to me.  i've got no one, no family, no friends and i'm expected to carry on. well i can't so some fucking friends and family you lot turned out to be.  my son told me to phone samaritans and my best friends are busy. so what am i going to do, i just wanna die, right here and now - i've done nothing wrong but i feel like i'm being punished.  it feels like i have to be ashamed that my mother has done this evil thing.  the doctor said, oh well there are worse things that can happen than losing half a house.  what a crass thing to say.  i don't really want to live in world populated by shit people, there is nothing to live for, i hate everybody, you are all shit, even the good ones, you think you know all the answers, but you fucking dont, how do you know how i feel and what i am gonna do.  you want me to stop here and be like everyone else, well theres no fucking chance of that.  if i stop here it will be to be fucking nasty like everyone else is.  thats what i'm experiencing, people being nasty to me so you all can go and have some fucking shit, no one cares a stuff about me and whats happened, no one ever does anything nice for me, i can't remember the time anyone did anything nice for me.  and i fucking know no one ever will cause you are all shit.   so you can go and  piss someone else off.  now my speech has gone completely and what does anyone care, all i can do is cry and i honest to god think that if i'd known what a fucking evil bitch my mum is, i would have let the kids see their dads, yeah that would a been justice on the whole fucking lot of you, and then it would be bastard no,. 1 son ringing the samaritans, oh sorry no he wouldn't he'd be some piece of dead meat like his fucking shit father.   so don't tell me to ring the fucking samaritans you shit bag. and the next time you want fucking driving lessons pay for the bastards yourself and when you want a computer by that fucker as well.   and oh yes, i was told i can't remember what i say, well i fucking well will remember now, cause i'm writing the shit down, so you can have it in black and white, you little bastard, one sniff of fucking money and your straight there just like your fucking grandma, oh yes, i've got something fucking special lined up for that bitch, you' ll see.  and you, and your stupid bastard brother who thinks its all about money for me, well that just shows what a fucking long way off the mark he is. spoilt little bastard.  go on make your own fucking money instead of poncing off me which you have done all your life, you pointless little shit.  and as for malika, if she so much as mentions fucking clothes or shoes, well eventually she will have so many, that like that lady who died amongst her rubbish, well thats what will happen to malika, she will be there dead amongst her clothes and shoes cause she's got that many.   no i've seen you all and you are all bastards and you go and live in hell, if you are not already there.   and its no use saying shit happens to nice people, what a load shit is that.  no it doesn't shit happens to them that deserve it, so you wait you are all gonna get yours.