so basically, its about malika can't work anwell i'm here again, feeling fed up again, had a few days that have been really bad, just lack of motivation, don't want to see anyone, speak to anyone. malika is going thru a difficult patch after her serious suicide attempt. its made me realise once again, as previously 'i thought everybody wished they had never been born' have got thru that and now realised 'i thought everyone felt suicidal regularly' and have now realised that my daughter is going thru the same shit. its tragic and to think i'm responsible for that, its heartbreaking but what the hell, i now have got not only my own shit to deal with but hers as well. its a tall order for me especially since i'm really running on empty. but what the heck i still love you blog and thats important and i have this time to talk to you and get my thoughts in order and that is a big help.
d getting her thru her exams and getting her the help that she needs and is entitled to. its about me getting my claim in for my disability living allowance and seeing the doctor about the debt forms. thats about it, oh and walking the dogs and watering the plants.
its a nightmare and i have had to really adjust myself to cope with it all. and there is taha milling around with no job and no money and his independence. well i can't feel bad about him cause thats what he chose and hopefully he will get on his feet when he gets a job. i feel really pressurized and vulnerable. sometimes i think i get a bit paranoid but then i have to try and work out friend or foe aspect. its really hard and then i feel so bad, its just untrue. anyway, i'm off to watch james bond for a bit of escapism. tata
