today

wow, bit of a rollercoaster today, started off well, enjoyed the sun, nice walk and coffee and scone round at kc's nice conversation then walk home and bang. letter then anger building up and anger masking sadness really, then a binge then a chat to samaritans and then realisation that its not my fault the way i am and not my fault how other people are. and basically its not my fault.  but am still left incapacitated with sadness, have stopped bingeing but there you go still sad, and unhappy at how my life is at the moment.  i don't feel a strong sense of who i am that is what is making me unhappy.  i feel a bit of a twit really because i'm so gullible but then what do you expect if people don't tell you the truth, how can i be called gullible, surely thats wrong, i'm not gullible, i'm not even trusting, i'm just believing what the doctor said, as you do like normal, and said doctor can't even have the common courtesy of telling me if something has changed, what a twat he is then.  but am i supposed to know, i don't think so do you ?