i'm beginning to wonder

i'm beginning to wonder if there are people out there who actually agree with what my mum's done.  i mean we all know she has the right to do what she wants. but come on when does that right become abusive.  anyway she promised me faithfully she wouldn't sign anything unless i was there.  she broke her promise end of and i will never lift a finger to help her or even speak to her or anything ever again.  i will never never ever forgive her for what she has done and i really do truly hope she rots in hell.   as one friend said to me, look at what and who you have around you and think of what your mum has. yeah right, she has my sister who is just a money grabbing scheming bitch and the only time you see her is when its time to draw the money.  i hope she has the most painful life ever.  infact i hope she has so much pain and a little bit more pain for good measure.  it goes without saying i'd never see her again.
i have told my children what i'm doing and told them they can do as they please, they must do as their conscience tells them to.  i refuse to let the grotty bitch have anything more to do with my life.  yeah its raw still but with time i'll feel better.  in fact i feel better tonite now that i have taken control of a few things and i certainly enjoyed the walk.  i must say, its not been right since she voted tory at the last election and  i was upset when she took my son in last year and never rang me or spoke to me, seems like she thought it was my place to run to her, big mistake i'd say. well needless to say i didn't go running after her or my son.  when my son finally got in touch with me, it was after that i spoke to her briefly.  and i would say, yeah it was difficult but i was certainly a lot happier without either of them.  so i wasn't expecting it to get friendly, but she rang me just before xmas to say her eyes were bad and that she couldn't drive and would i take her to the doctors.  which ofcourse i did and then it became apparent that she was quite ill so i kept going down.  of course sister was no where to be seen, i did say to her, well lynda is too busy making money to care for you. but of course at that time i didn't know that she had already signed over half the house to lynda.  how lynda must have been cross, because had it not been for me looking after mum, she would have had to have gone into hospital and well, i doubt she would have come out because she would have picked up all the bugs.  i always told mum that if she ever signed the house over to lynda, then she would live very long afterwards.  little did i know it was going to be me that saved her.  oh well.  but what treachery, to keep it secret and let me do all the running around.  and even now, if i hadn't have stumbled on the papers, then i wouldn't have been any wiser.  all i can say is that somebody somewhere was looking after me that day. 
so there you have it all the treachery laid bare.  to think that woman was my mum, ah its disgusting.  there is just no excuse.  i have doubted for a long time that she was any good, but when i saw those papers, it was proof positive.  you know when my dad died, er actually he was really my uncle but was put down on my birth certificate as my dad, i came to see all the goodness in him.  and then it began to dawn on me that when my mum died, i would come to see all the badness in her and that is what is happening.  i'm having flashbacks, mostly of very nasty things, but i'm moving thru them, slowly.

you know a person can only take so much trauma at any one time and i really think i have had my fair share of trauma for this life, don't you.  i just want to be left in peace to pick up the pieces of my shattered life.

its taken about 44 years for me to get rehabilitated from the crash of life that my mum has made me suffer, needlessly i might add.  and the rehabilitation is still not complete and may never be, all because one woman was not strong enough or willing enough or loved herself or her children enough to stand up for the truth of her life, or the life of others around her.  well all i can say is what a disgrace to the sisterhood and womankind you are.  you should hang your head in shame and as i said last sunday nite, 27th feb 2011, even whores have got more respect that the low life that she is.  yeah its so sad cause my brother lost his life, yeah it was his to loose but he never stood a chance really, with a mother like her.  i'll beat the bastards, you'll see, the evil bitch that is my mother and all of her cronies, and followers, yeah i'll beat em alright and if i don't i'll die trying and that will have been a life worth living.  yeah you rot in hell you evil no good bacteria that calls itself a mother.