my body is telling the world something

yeah, my body is telling the world something.  i never thought of it like that, i think at first my body was saying to my mum, fuck off and don't tell me what to eat then  she really was so fucked up she was like an empty shell, had no feelings, her life was just about duty and logic and never ever about feelings.  infact i would say she was devoid of feelings.  anyway, i'm not devoid of feelings, infact i'm proud of my feelings, i've got a lot of em. in fact the reason i've got a lot of em is because i was storing them all up and keeping them for the day when i can look at them and/or the day i might need em.  so yeah i'm beginning to feel differently about my body just now, considering what i have been thru and all the fat is like feelings, then yeah i'm a mass of feelings, a blob of feelings if you like and it is only now that i am safe enough and have time enough and enough desire to look at my feelings.  yeah fuck my mother and her fuckless feelings. fuck her big style.  yeah i like my feelings, they are mine, mine not hers mine no one elses they are what make me unique.  yeah i'm gonna enjoy these feelings the good and the bad and the ugly ones. wow how liberating.  to think you could enjoy feeling all the feelings, well i can, cause its what makes me me, its a secret world that only i can go into, it stays with me all the time and its nice even when its bad, tho when its really bad, i do need some company but it has to be the right company. .   anyway, in a way, i'm not lonely anymore cause i've got feelings, sounds daft but there you have it.  i can control my feelings too.  how about that eh, me i can control my feelings, not too sure about this but for now, just a little bit of control, well perhaps not control as such but certainly empathy and encouragement that my feelings are ok whatever they are. and thats a good start.  i'm ok - my feelings are ok.