it's been a while

hi there,
its been a while, but since my last update, i've been feeling loads happier, i've stopped wanting something i can't have - i've finally come to terms with the fact that i set myself up for heartache by wanting something i'm never gonna have.  its kinda set me free a bit, certainly in relation to my mum.
i've just got to work on my body next - wow that is a hard one, if only i could just love myself a little bit more and stop being so hard on myself.  infact i'm exploring with the idea that my body has taken on so much weight to protect me in a kind of way and so now i'm gonna stop dissing my body and dissing myself.  i feel abit like an alcholic when they first admit to being an alcholic - for me i'm admitting i have a problem with my body image and my body and my feelings - they are all a jumbled up mess.  so many people say everything is down to self-control - well maybe there is an element of that in it but there are other factors too that can't be ignored unless ofcourse you are like my mum - a bit of a robot where feelings are concerned and they just override them in the race for logic over feelings.  for me its an eternal battle - god i wished i knew why - well basically i go with my feelings and then end up in all kinds of shit - which i then have to get out of by being logical ----- what a crazy way to live but its been like this for so long, i don't think i would know or understand any other way of living. no help there then !!!!!!
but i'm willing to explore different dimensions - certainly i feel better now the weather is better and have been out in the garden more.  i'm also getting better at letting go and letting things take their own course.  but i seem to be forever in perpetual turmoil over two things - its like there is no co relation between these two things and its destroying me.  also i'm feeling that i'm getting older and my body isn't what it used to be and now i have to work so much harder just to keep standing still !!!!!!! having said that, i'm much happier in my own skin - i just wish i could love myself a bit more - maybe i will soon - well thats the next thing, i will be back just as soon as i've worked it out - take care love you xxxx

hey there, i've not been on here for ages, well here i am just to share something with you.  this is quite a radical change in my thinking  'accept what is'

i found this on the internet and its quite relative to me at the moment - infact when i try to accept what is, its like a whole weight is lifted off my shoulders.

One of the greatest sources of unhappiness, in my experience, is the difficulty we have in accepting things as they are.

Without judgment, without wishing for otherwise.

When we see something we don’t like, we wish it could be different — we cry out for something better. That may be human nature, or perhaps it’s something that’s ingrained in our culture.

The root of the unhappiness isn’t necessarily that we want things to be different, however: it’s that we decided we didn’t like it in the first place. We’ve judged it as bad, rather than saying, “It’s not bad or good, it just is.”

An example: In my recent post, A Beautiful Method to Find Peace of Mind, quite a few commenters thought my outlook was negative, pessimistic, or fatalistic … because I said you should expect people to mess up, expect things to go differently than you planned, and that you should embrace that.

It’s too negative to expect things to go wrong, they said. However: it’s only negative if you see it as negative. If you judge it as bad.

Instead, you could accept it as the way the world works — as the way things actually are. And try to understand why that is, and embrace it. As it is.

This can be applied to whatever you do: whether it be how other people act at work, how politics works and how depressing the news media can be. Accept these things as they are, and try to understand why they’re that way.

It’ll save you a lot of grief, because you’ll no longer say, “Oh, I wish things didn’t suck!”

Does it mean you can never change things? Not at all. But change things not because you can’t accept things as they are, but because you enjoy the process of change, of learning and growing.

Can we make this world a better place? Again, that’s assuming that it’s a bad place right now. But instead, you could say the world is just what it is — and that’s neither good nor bad. You can say that you’ll continue to try to do things to help others, to grow as a person, to make a difference in this world — not because you’re such a bad person now, or the world sucks, but because that’s the path you choose to take, because you enjoy that path.

As you catch yourself judging, and wishing for different — and we all do it — try a different approach: accept, and understand. It might lead to some interesting results.

“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - Lao Tzu

now i've done that i'm into 'recovering from childhood neglect'
i can make my future better